Accept My Imperfection: A Journey of Self-Reliance

As we journey through life, it’s easy to idolize self-reliance and independence. We celebrate standing on our own two feet, solving problems alone, and needing no one else. But as a Habit Formation Coach Practitioner, utilizing CBT strategies combined with Christ-centered principles, and as a follower of Christ, I invite you to explore a balanced understanding of self-reliance—one that embraces imperfection and values interdependence.

The Allure of Self-Reliance

I work with many Avoidants who find comfort in emotional distance, valuing control and autonomy above all. This mindset can lead to “cognitive distortions,” where we see things in black and white: self-reliance as good, dependency as bad. But this perspective can isolate us, preventing us from experiencing the full richness of relationships and community.

Self-reliance is often seen as a hallmark of strength. Many of us learn to take care of ourselves because our caregivers are inconsistent or unavailable. When caregivers are inconsistent or unavailable, it forces us to develop self-sufficiency out of necessity. As we grow up, we learn to rely on ourselves to meet our needs because we cannot depend on others to be consistently there for us. This self-reliance becomes a core part of our identity, and over time, we might start to believe that asking for help or relying on others is a sign of weakness.

Independence Was Crucial

In many instances, the need for self-sufficiency arises from a fundamental lack of dependable support. When caregivers fail to provide consistent care and guidance, individuals are often compelled to develop a strong sense of independence to navigate their lives effectively. This necessity to manage on one’s own ingrains the belief that self-reliance is paramount. However, while this independence can be a source of strength and resilience, it also cultivates a significant misconception: that seeking help from others is a sign of weakness.

This mindset, forged out of the necessity for survival and self-preservation, can hinder one’s ability to build supportive relationships and fully benefit from collaborative efforts. Understanding this dynamic is essential in overcoming the barriers to accepting and offering support, which is vital for holistic well-being and growth.

Reframing Resilience

True resilience is not about standing alone but about finding strength in both us and our community. The Bible teaches us in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!“

This passage reminds us that God’s design for us includes relationships. We are meant to support and uplift each other. Embracing this truth means accepting our imperfections and understanding that needing help does not diminish our strength—it enhances it.

Shepherding the Lost Sheep

As a habit formation coach, I encourage you to shepherd the lost sheep within you—the parts that fear vulnerability and cling to self-reliance. Here are practical steps to start this journey:

Empowering Excellence in Resistance (EeR) Habit Formation Techniques

Cultivate a strong and secure relationship with God as your foundation. Regular prayer, meditation, and reading scripture can help deepen this bond and provide a stable sense of support.

Remember: The need for self-sufficiency arises from a fundamental lack of dependable support. Individuals are often compelled to develop a strong sense of independence to navigate their lives effectively. This necessity to manage on one’s own ingrains the belief that self-reliance is paramount. While this independence can be a source of strength and resilience, it is important to change the misconception that seeking help from others is a sign of weakness.

Develop a Secure Attachment with God

Cultivating a strong and secure relationship with God can be foundational for developing healthy habits and interdependence. This secure attachment can provide a stable sense of support and guidance, helping to reshape beliefs and behaviors. Here are some practical habits to help you achieve this:

Daily Prayer:

• Explanation: Engaging in daily prayer strengthens your connection with God, providing a sense of peace and guidance.
• Practical Habit: Set aside a specific time each day for prayer. It could be in the morning, during a break, or before bed. Start with a few minutes and gradually increase the duration.

Scripture Reading:

• Regularly reading the Bible helps you understand God’s teachings and apply them to your life.
• Practical Habit: Choose a Bible reading plan or devotional that aligns with your interests and spiritual goals. Commit to reading a passage or chapter each day and reflect on its meaning and application.

Journaling:

• Writing down your thoughts, prayers, and reflections can deepen your relationship with God and provide clarity.
• Practical Habit: Keep a journal specifically for your spiritual journey. Each day, write about your prayers, insights from scripture, and experiences of God’s presence in your life.

Meditation and Reflection:

• Meditation on God’s Word and reflecting on His attributes can help center your thoughts and foster a deeper spiritual connection.
• Practical Habit: Spend a few minutes each day in quiet meditation, focusing on a specific verse, attribute of God, or a prayer. Allow this time to center your mind and spirit.

Participation in a Faith Community:

• Being part of a community of believers provides support, accountability, and encouragement.
• Practical Habit: Join a church, Bible study group, or prayer group. Regularly attend services and participate in community activities to build relationships and grow in faith together.

Service and Acts of Kindness:

• Serving others as Jesus did can deepen your relationship with God and help you experience His love in action.
• Practical Habit: Find opportunities to serve in your church or community. Volunteer for causes that resonate with your values and faith and make acts of kindness a regular part of your life.

Empowering Excellence in Resistance (EeR) Habit Formation Long-Term Strategy 

Breaking avoidant behaviors and building secure attachment habits is a journey that requires patience, commitment, and self-compassion. Start by recognizing the value of interdependence and the strength that comes from community and support. Practice daily habits that foster a secure attachment with God, and gradually extend this secure base to your relationships with others. Embrace vulnerability as a path to deeper connections and growth. As you cultivate these habits, you will begin to experience the fullness of life that comes from living in harmony with both your inner self and your community, anchored in the love and support of God.

Integrating these habits into your daily routine can nurture a secure attachment with God. This foundational relationship will not only support your personal growth but also empower you to build healthy, interdependent relationships with others.

Empowering Excellence in Resilience ( EeR ) 

Essy, Membership Director at GodKulture  & EeR Habit Coach Practitioner and Founder of the EeR magazine #ResilienceRevolutionMovement.